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I do not think they would have wanted me to kiss the hands of all women simply because they were women.

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They would have, rightly, seen this as a sexist custom, pointing out that not even in the grip of the most obsequious compulsions would opd kiss the hand of a man. But then I began to realize that the Polish custom had one particularly subtle and attractive aspect.

After 40 years of living under an unpopular Communist Government that sought to restrict society to the proletarian standard of wlmen concocted Soviet model, the Poles were defending themselves with chivalrous customs.

Instead of addressing each other with terms like ''comrade citizen,'' as their Government had once urged them to do, Poles intuitively responded by assuming the manners of 40 year old women kissing and barons.

In such circumstances it was pleasant and instructive to watch factory workers, mailmen, soldiers, peasants and Dating interview bobby students kiss the hands held out to 40 year old women kissing while womeen Communist Party people, often identifiable by their wide ties and out-of-date suits, maintained stiff though ideologically correct postures.

Under this kind of social pressure, I kissed.

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At first it was tricky. There was nothing in my Upper West Side of Manhattan public-school education that prepared me for the act.

I had to experiment. I think my first attempts were perhaps too noisy. They may also have been too moist.

I realized that generally what Womne was expected to communicate was respect and not ardor, but I didn't want to appear too distant. I had observed some aristocrats take the hands extended to them and swoosh down without making real contact.

I was trying for slightly more commitment. Eventually, I got it right.

And, to my surprise, I liked it. Each new encounter became a challenge.

I found I needed to make subtle little alterations in technique as the situations demanded. For instance, if the woman was younger, I would bring her hand to my lips.

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If she was older, I would bring my lips to her hand. When I could not tell if she was younger or older, I went on the premise that she was younger.

Sometimes you could play out little dramas. It was nothing serious or marriage-threatening, but you could, by kissing with more than normal pressure, make yourself noticed - and you could notice yourself being noticed. Or you could imagine you were somebody else, which, at least in my case, can be pleasant.

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The real advantage of hand-kissing, I came to realize, was that it provided a ritual that enriched the routine of everyday life. Sign in.

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